


Altar Identities

by scowlofjustice



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fate, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 23:37:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2327282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scowlofjustice/pseuds/scowlofjustice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Death takes a fortune cookie a little too literally, the only person around to scold him is Susan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Altar Identities

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a writing prompt in which a piece of writing is to include the phrase, "I'm just doing what the fortune cookie told me. Who am I to test fate?"

I'M JUST DOING WHAT THE FORTUNE COOKIE TOLD ME. WHO AM I TO TEST FATE?

Susan glowered up at her grandfather, arms crossed and tapping one foot. People shuffled past them, not quite _avoiding_ the pair, but somehow conveniently stepping out of their way. "And do you, by any chance, happen to still have this fortune cookie on hand?"

NO, he replied. I FOUND ITS INSTRUCTIONS QUITE SIMPLE TO REMEMBER. YOU DON'T SUPPOSE I SHOULD HAVE HELD ON TO IT IN CASE I NEEDED REMINDING?

"I just want to know exactly what those instructions _were,_ " Susan groaned.

Death gazed straight ahead, practicing the art of perfect recollection. His eyes flickered momentarily. Had He been the type for drama, perhaps light itself would wink in and out of existence, not flickering, but rather forgetting to flow into this space and then remembering again. This was not the case. That would have been tacky, and He knew it. Instead, He simply replied, MY FORTUNE WAS THUS: 'YOU ARE BLESSED. TODAY IS THE DAY TO BLESS OTHERS.'

"And so this is your Fate," Susan stated incredulously.

I THINK SO.

"And you don't want to _challenge_ Fate," she continued.

THAT WOULD BE UNWISE.

"But have you actually _consulted_ Fate about this, er...fate?"

WHAT IS THE NEED? FATE SIMPLY IS. BUT REALLY, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A BOTHER. I AM SURE FATE HAS ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH. THE MESSAGE OF A FORTUNE COOKIE IS A TRIVIAL MATTER, BUT IT HAS GIVEN ME A DUTY TO FULFIL AND LITTLE TIME TO DO IT IN. 'TODAY IS MY DAY TO BLESS OTHERS.' WHY NOT THIS WEEK? OR ANY OTHER MEASUREMENT OF TIME?

"Okay, one last question," Susan sighed, bringing her fingers to her forehead. "Did you...for any measurement of time, wonder _who_ precisely was doing the blessing?"

WELL I SUPPOSE IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANY NUMBER OF GODS, BUT WHOMEVER IT WAS, IF THEY WISH TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS, I HAVE NO COMPLAINT.

Susan considered Him for a long moment. He was not dressed in his usual flowing black robes, but rather an ill-fitting white alb. It fit so poorly because nobody designed albs for seven-foot tall skeletons. These robes fell roughly to His knee. Susan, seeing Death as He was, passed no comment on the matter. Neither did the patrons of The Temple of Small Gods, who probably perceived Him as a gangly altar server.

UNFORTUNATELY UPWARD MOBILITY IN MOST TEMPLES REQUIRES A GREAT EXPENDITURE OF TIME, Death explained. THIS FORTUNE COOKIE ONLY GAVE ME ONE DAY. ALSO TECHNICALLY, IN MY POSITION, I AM NOT ALLOWED TO _BLESS_ GUESTS AS SUCH. B UT THIS IS THE CLOSEST APPROXIMATION I CAN THINK OF.


End file.
